How to fall in love the girl again.
If the girl when parting has told that “the love has passed”, it not always means that the relations are finished once and for all. If you want to return her, the only way – to get her to fall in love again. This basic and main condition of return. But, consider, now the freebie won’t be. Process of repeated “lovers” will demand from you cardinal internal (and external) changes.
The most widespread phrase after which the girl closes behind herself a door – “feelings have left”. All your attempts somehow to correct a situation will come across a reinforced concrete argument: “But there is no love all the same …”. Don’t count on changes until the girl as a mantra repeats, then feelings have passed. Don’t hope that she will think-will think and once pereklinit her in the opposite direction: “Go to me, Jones! I have blazed with a new force!”.
What to do? To get to fall in love anew.
The love is studied for a long time, and, unfortunately, the researches answering a question why the love arises aren’t enough. But what is smashes idea of romantic love, transferring moonlight walks and romantic appointments to the plane of evolutionary psychology.
The first love arises for two reasons: novelty and instinctive draft for the sake of healthy posterity. Yes, the person – a being curious, and him always attracts all unknown. Each new object seems unique. And here if the second reason shoots, and your deep structures of a brain solve: “”Bingo!”, this partner genetically is suitable me for the birth of healthy posterity”, there is a love.
Both resources are given absolutely for free. And sometimes even against our will – therefore it is so difficult to control this feeling. Already then people rationalize, bring some romantic bases under the feelings. Though all this pure evolutionary mechanisms which aren’t subject to us.
But so far as concerns desire once again to cause feeling of love, these two powerful resources don’t work. The effect of novelty goes to zero – it knows you thoroughly. An instinctive part which about reproduction and healthy posterity, remains, but it has a property – over time it dies away. Our nature quite confirms the known expression “The love lives three years”. So if time has passed much, deep structures of her brain have just chucked in you as on the best option for reproduction and to hook on the woman quite difficult. But it is possible …
In the long relations fading of love happens if systematically to violate 4 basic rules:
- Satisfaction of requirements
- Justification of expectations
- Interest maintenance
- Balance of the importance
And if the woman leaves, one means (or a little) from these rules the partner persistently ignored.
In principle, if the man has quickly understood in what his jamb, he can make the promise that everything will change. As a rule, men and arrive, sincerely believing in what they tell. But all this fake. As soon as the girl comes back, out of is started over again. And as the balance of the importance is already warped, and not in favor of the man, soon the girl leaves repeatedly – and to return her this time much more difficult.
Therefore it is necessary not just to return the girl, and to get her to fall in love anew, having involved the main mechanisms for formation of new love:
- To return feeling of novelty and interest
- The girl has to receive from you an exclusive resource
- She has to think of you constantly
- Regular communication and opportunity to see
It seems that it isn’t so difficult to return feeling of novelty. Only it is necessary to exchange. But it is only in words simple, is quite difficult to realize the rule in practice. Same it is necessary to change really, but not just to promise. Often I hear: “It is already possible to call her, huh? Or to write at least. I have changed”. And so: if to you as well as earlier is itching to make a declaration of love to her and to prove that you now another, – you have never changed.
The person needs to change not just externally. It is good to change style for the first impression. But long on it you won’t pass. If you remained such as earlier, also you communicate and act – that, alas. There are no changes – there are no relations. What needs to be done? To really introduce new things in the life, it is more interesting to make it. Majority life – is extremely sad, work-house-dacha on days off. The most interesting story – how abruptly you have got drunk with friends on shish kebabs and has fallen the head in a brazier. And than here it is possible to hook? The only exit – to do things which you didn’t do earlier, but not with a great effort. The only thing which should be made really with a great effort – to tear off a bum from a sofa. All the rest especially voluntarily. Do that long ago wanted, but was afraid, hesitated or just there wasn’t enough time. You have to become new and interesting not only for the girl. If your relatives and friends don’t recognize you, and your way of life (an image, but not visibility) strongly differ from sofa existence, the objectives are achieved.
This point is rather closely connected with the first. The exclusive resource is an interesting communication. If you give to the girl interesting communication and you can tell something bigger, than story about the drunk head in a brazier (see point 1), it will strongly distinguish you from other applicants. In principle, steps which are taken you more interesting, add novelty and pump over an exclusive resource – are identical. So work on yourself, lead full life and there will be to you happiness. With former or without her.
Thoughts of you
To force the girl to think much of you the simple equipment “closer-is farther” sometimes helps – at first you give attention, and then vanish. People are so suited that if there is a danger to lose what has managed to get used to, you begin to appreciate it. As a result, the girl herself initiates communication. But there is a problem – the girl will be yours, but for two days. The reasons aren’t eliminated. And, having seen that has got to the same swamp, she will leave again.
Many try to use a false method – to make crazy. To strike the girl, to give some mad gift or an act. But the emotional splash will last not for long. And not always he can be positive. Besides, there is a danger of adaptation – several crazy, the girl will get used, and without this circus won’t even move an eyebrow in your party. Well and it is just impossible to do surprises more and more abruptly. And here common interests work perfectly. The more common interests, the there are more reasons for communication and the more often the girl will think of you. The main thing to be interested sincerely, but not with a great effort.
By old pikaper tradition many are afraid to be on friendly terms with former. Allegedly it will drive you into a friend zone behind a barbed wire and from there to reach darling will be unreal. Actually, if the relations have collapsed not because of a routine and boredom, and because of unjustified expectations and requirements, it is necessary to work through friendship. Perfectly, if you have understood to what everything goes and the first have suggested to leave friends. Theses are standard: “I long thought a cash our relations and have understood that I mess up. And though I have already begun to change, you are right, it is impossible to enter one river twice, let’s release each other, but communication we will keep”. Usually girls agree to it. If to reformat your relations in friendship the first has offered it, it, of course, is worse, but isn’t deadly. The main thing, is communication. If he is absent – a trouble. Therefore if it has appeared in such situation, friendship is useful.
The basic rule – communication has to be constant. If the relations have died away, having turned into the relations at distance – to return is unreal. History, when she in Kaliningrad, and he in Vladivostok – stalemate. Calls and correspondence – it is good, but the real is necessary surely. Otherwise the relations will fade and will come to naught. To see optimum once a week, at least – one meeting a month. And it is necessary to meet not right after parting and when correspondence becomes friendly warm.
In your friendly communication it is necessary to tell unostentatiously about the life so that it has understood – qualities which she once wanted to see in you, have begun to appear. Let’s take classics of a genre: non-obligation. Promised to beat the shelf / in a holiday to go/marry, and things are right where they started. As a result, the woman doesn’t maintain constants “tomorrow” and leaves. In this case it is necessary to tell her at first about the plans, and through some time to mention about results. For example: “Here I want to go to English courses”, and in a week: “You know, perfectly there is a training. Quite the cheese. Or “It is necessary to hand over on driving”, and a month later: “Congratulate on the rights”. And so on trifles to show that your plans are always implemented now.
It seems, simply. But it not so. To overcome itself and to overcome the demons – a big way. If the cause is removed, communication at the same time continues, the girl sees result – there is a chance that she will return. However, in order that you were again believed, quite big term – from a month to one year in the started cases is necessary. Therefore before beginning blasting operation, ask yourself a question: and whether it is necessary?
Thank you for your attention. Have a good time!